Pudding Proof!

Done, exhausted but feeling very satisfied.  Who in their right mind would do this?  Well, Doctor Cranky would, only because long ago he learned that if you don't work hard, you don't really get anywhere.  The world is already too full with slackers and couch potatoes.  I mean no disrespect, of course, because I could be both of those things too, but there's an element about the clock ticking and winding down that I don't much appreciate.  My struggles, as a good friend puts it, is with time.  The running out of it.  And, as I've said before, we ALL run out of time.  So what are you going to do on the way there?  Just sitting around, never leave your mark on anything?  I can't do that, I must be pro-active.  My mother knew from the moment she laid eyes on me that I was not bad to the bone, but an Alien, a creature from some other planet.  I've always been different, compelled and motivated by forces I don't try to understand anymore.  Motivation is important.  I think it's what keeps the gears and cogs of the MUST-DO machine well lubed.   Most people on the planet are just happy to be.  Existence, I contend, tends to be over rated.  LOL.  In order for me to feel like I exist, I have to work, I have to do something . . . build something, create something.  Perhaps this is the beginning of some God Complex inherent in most of us.  I cannot sleep if I don't feel like my imagination has been exercised properly.

Creating models relaxes me through that exercise.  It's the reason I write, do art, do a variety of other things that bring me enough pleasure and confidence to continue.  Having said that I also wish I didn't have to do any of it and just be normal like everyone else.  Go to work, trudge through, be happy.  Nah, not for me.  I figure by the time my clock stops, I will have at least made enough junk so that people will say, HE MADE A LOT JUNK, as they take it all to the garbage dump.  That will be their problem.

This was the original cover Harry Pristovnik, the maestro of graphic design, did for my book on how to build car models.  A book that, thanks to Harry, got done a little bit at a time, very much like this blog is being maintained.  I poured a lot of love and hard work into this book.  It's NOT an exhaustive compendium of all tips, techniques, and how-tos.  NO, it's one person's process by which to keep busy, be happy, and make sense of an otherwise crazy existence.

The "cranky" in the name comes from that moment when you realize that because the time is running out you can  no longer suffer fools, have time for just smelling the coffee, etc . . . I love Dylan Thomas's line about "raging against the dark."  You've got to get done what you need to.  No excuses.  No ifs, buts or other interruptions.  Other people thrive on procrastination.  Doctor Cranky thrives on always being near the edge . . . and unlike Sisyphus, he is not necessarily fond or excited about having to run down the mountain to push up the same rock up hill again.  There's nothing new in that, and the Old Doctor cannot imagine himself being happy without doing something he truly loves and enjoys.  LONG LIVE STYRENE!